Christianity, Hell, Deconstruction, Lions, Tigers and Bears OH MY!

Not to get too deep into my dysfunctional family background this soon, let’s just say my father is the Prototype Southern Holy Rollin, in the pew every Sunday and every Wednesday.  I recall many mornings and he would be sitting in the dim morning light with his eyes closed in prayer with his Bible opened on the table in front of him.  I have to give him credit.  He has faith.  He is steadfast in his journey and he rarely doubts.

But, he’s also extremely ignorant, very narcissistic, sexist, stubborn, self-righteous and he {well, along with the church} really fucked my head up.  I am currently going through deconstruction with a therapist, who over time has become more of a spiritual director – but one that my insurance pays 100% for.  It’s a win, win, really.  But I’m right smack dab in the middle of this “deconstruction” process and it has been a complete and utter nightmare.  When you’ve been told a lie – no, a story by your parents {whether intended or unintended} to help you and/or control you from the time you first formed memories – these ideas and thoughts and ideas are ingrained in your being,   It is crazy hard.  I will NEVER, EVER doubt God or a Supreme Being existing.  I’ve encountered God in so many ways throughout my life that I know there is an Energy of Love that I can literally feel in my body or have read something that was coming from the Divine.

*Update 7.24.2020*

I have completed my deconstruction and I came out angry that I had been lied to my entire life. As of right this moment, I believe in Love Energy and a creator of the Love Energy! Who doesn’t want to be loved?! I mean who?! Babies? Married couples? People that are mean and cruel? Yes! Them too!!! If they had a little unconditional love in their life, would they turn out to be so bad? Something to think about.

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