Hello Out There World –

So, basically my blog is about everything from my work & my life to questions about God and the afterlife; and, actually the thoughts I have about whether there is a God? {Well, damn, my pentecostal upbringing is really laying the guilt on me about saying that!}. Ricky Gervais was the first Atheist that I loved so much and who made actually made quite a few very logical reasons for there not being a God. But I do believe in a being higher than myself. I may be wrong and it may have been something that was ingrained in me as a child but into my adult years, it’s become even stronger, although it comes in completely different ways. I feel it more now in energy, gatherings, my breath, love, a smile from a stranger.

I think really big thoughts; really deep thoughts.  My therapist/spiritual advisor tells me to try to meditate to try to help my thoughts to a minimum and yet that sounds so easy, right? But I just can’t do it. I’m stuck – at least I am now. 5 years ago I was at the top of my game. Physically, mentally, spiritually, psychologically – all the categories to be happy in, I was rocking it. I know myself and I know I will get unstuck but I wish it would come sooner than later. In high school I was not like this.  I was immature and all I cared about was being popular and hanging out with my friends on the weekend.  I’m sure people thought I had air for brains.  I can honestly say I don’t like that “me”.  I wish I could go back and care about what you really should care about in life.  I was extremely immature and still am to some extent when it comes to some things. It goes by so fast that you take it for granted, until you realize how incredibly special and precious it is and then you really do literally stop and smell the roses or whatever flower you might be passing on any given day.  The thing is, the past is over so there is nothing I can do about it.  I think of the past as fizzled out. Even as I type this post, the moments are fizzling out as they become the past.  That is how you learn to live in the moment and that is what I really, really try hard to do each and every moment of my life – and it is hard as shit.  But I keep trying.  That’s what matters.  I hope you enjoy my blog. I look forward to hearing your stories too!

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